Naruto: Kakuzu's Apprentice
by Narutofan90000
Summary: Kakuzu was there when the kyuubi attacked and decided to take in a young orphan, raising him to hate konoha. In Konoha, the boy meets a beautiful girl who he falls in love with. Naruhina M for future lemons.
1. Kakuzu's Chance Meeting with The Fourth

**I Do Not, in any way, shape or Form, own any of the characters. Except the one's I make up. Masashi Kishimoto **

**Story:**** Naruto: Kakuzu's Apprentice**

**Written by- Narutofan90000**

**Enjoy.**

Kakuzu stood in his hiding spot, watching the Konoha ninja give their all to hold back the giant demon fox, Kyuubi.

"Hold it until Lord Hokage is ready!!" One of the ninja shouted, throwing fuma shurikens at the beast. The monster batted the Kunai aside, as if they were nothing more than insignificant flies. Snarling, the Kyuubi decimated the forces in front of him before more took their dead comrade's places.

"Lord Hokage has arrived!" One of the messengers shouted, informing the troops to fall back.

Kakuzu, not really caring about the danger, stayed put, watching in awe as a man astride a giant toad fought the Kyuubi on par, before managing to seal it in the body of a small child in his hands.

The large toad dispelled, leaving the dying man to fall to the ground from fifty stories, child in hand.

Kakuzu, having gained respect for the man who managed to take out such a demon, caught him as he fell.

The dying Minato looked up and saw his savior's headband. Seeing that the man had no affiliation to the leaf, and may give Naruto a chance to live, was all the motivation Minato needed.

He handed Kakuzu his son. "Please, take care of him." Minato pleaded, as he coughed up blood.

Kakuzu was torn. Still pissed about his failed attempt to assassinate the first, and the possibility of taking on an apprentice, one who could eventually learn to control the demon inside of him, coupled with Kakuzu's skills, would make the boy invincible.

Kakuzu sighed heavily, before taking the frail infant from his dying father's arms. Searching the fallen Hokage's pockets, he found a letter. Opening it, he skimmed the letter quickly before nodding and putting it back in the envelope.

Walking away, Kakuzu turned and took one last look at the village, whose previous leader had caused his imprisonment. Cursing his luck, Kakuzu walked away to meet up with his partner, Hidan.

'One day Konoha, My student will crush you.' He vowed as he shunsined the child and himself away.

Hidan sat, waiting for a confirmation on the Kyuubi's whereabouts from Kakuzu.

Kakuzu suddenly appeared in front of Hidan, looking at him briefly before heading into the hotel.

Hidan followed after him. "So, is the Kyuubi there?" He asked, impatient as always.

"Yes." Kakuzu said gruffly.

Hidan prodded a bit more. "Is it still there?" He asked, wanting to know if they could snag the beast while it was weakened.

"No." Kakuzu said, wishing Hidan would drop the subject.

Unfortunately, Hidan didn't grant wishes. "What happened to it?" He asked, having no time for Kakuzu's evasive actions.

"Dead." Kakuzu said, walking away.

Hidan followed after him. "What's in your arms?" He asked curiously, finally noticing the small bundle in Kakuzu's arms.

Kakuzu looked at him. "My new student." He said, dropping the subject.

"What?" Hidan asked, thoroughly confused. "Can I train him too?" He asked hopefully, wishing to spread the will of Jashin.

"No you religious nutcase." Kakuzu shouted from behind the door, causing the baby in his arms to cry. Sighing, Kakuzu opened the door to his room and shoved the baby into Hidan's arms. "If you can make him stop, you can train him to." He relented.

Shutting the door in Hidan's face, he went to sleep.

Hidan stood outside of the room. 'I can do this.' He thought confidently.

He picked the baby up, looking him in the eyes. "Listen here little one, if you keep crying, I'll have to sacrifice you to lord Jashin." Hidan said in a baby voice.

The young baby stopped sobbing and looked at Hidan, something relative to horror in his facial expression, before he started crying again. Hidan sighed, giving up. He brought the child to his room and took out a book on Jashin, reading it to the small baby.

"Then Lord Jashin took the infidels and gutted them, covering himself in their blood before descending back into his domain." Hidan said, closing the book and looking at the baby who was sleeping peacefully. Hidan smiled. 'It's nice to see one so young finding religion.' He thought as he went to sleep. In the morning, Kakuzu woke. Getting up, he went to collect his apprentice and partner. Knocking on the door, Kakuzu waited until a half asleep Hidan opened the door. "We're leaving." He said plainly, before walking into the room, looking for his new apprentice. Seeing nothing, he turned to Hidan. "Where I my apprentice?" He asked dangerously.

Hidan looked at him sharply. "He's our apprentice and he's right there." He said, pointing to a makeshift crib, which was empty. Hidan looked at it in shock. "Where the hell did he go?" He asked, astounded that the child had gotten away from him. Kakuzu ran out of the room, not wishing to lose his protégée.

'Damn Hidan.' He thought angrily, before entering the back area of the hotel. Seeing Naruto, he communicated with Hidan through their Akatsuki rings.

'Found him.' Kakuzu's voice rang in Hidan's head. Hidan rushed to the area where he sensed his partner's chakra. When he got there, he saw a scene that brought tears to his eyes.

'I'm so proud of this one.' He thought happily as he saw the baby with a small crayon, making pentagrams on the ground. Kakuzu rounded on him.

"What the hell have you been teaching him?" He asked angrily, resolving to come up with a name for the child soon. Hidan stood there, his arms in front of him defensively.

"I only read to him about the great lord Jashin." Hidan said defensively. Kakuzu sighed.

"Fine." He said, relenting. "But if he starts sacrificing things at three years old, I'm having you turn down the training." He said sternly.

Hidan was ecstatic. "He'd be a prodigy; Lord Jashin would give him a seat on his underworld council!" He gushed, dreams of his new student achieving levels of worship unseen on this plane of existence. Kakuzu sighed before taking the child and walking away, Hidan following while still caught up in his own little world.

Kakuzu planned on teaching the boy his heart stealer jutsu the minute he was old enough.

**After Twelve years of training with Kakuzu and Hidan.**

The boy, christened Naruto Uzumaki, walked up to his masters, Hidan and Kakuzu. Bowing to his sensei, he waited for them to speak.

"Naruto, you have completed you training under us and have taken your first enemy heart." Kakuzu said; a small amount of pride in his voice. "We have one last mission before you go on your way." Kakuzu stated; his voice void of emotion once again.

"What is my mission sir?" Naruto asked cautiously, worried about Kakuzu's wrath.

"I wish for you to go to Konoha and enroll in their academy. Once you've gotten stronger than you've ever been before, I want you to call for me and Hidan. Then we shall crush their village!" Kakuzu said, standing up quickly and sending his chair flying back with his quick movements due to his passion at wanting to see the village burn.

Hidan interrupted his monologue. "You may need assistance for this assault; we'll be here, using Kakuzu's cash to build up an army." He said, both of them having left the Akatsuki after killing off Sasori and Deidara, who had managed to stumble upon their apprentice and know what he was. "You should probably gain some allies to join you from outside the village." He said, showing his rarely used intelligence.

Naruto nodded at his master's words, having grown up knowing who he was, he had an extreme hatred for the village and his so called father, who had the nerve to shove a demon in him and make him the target of groups like the Akatsuki. Naruto, upon being dismissed, went to his room to pack, remembering his sensei's last bit of advice.

**Flashback**

"Remember that deception is a ninja's greatest tool is deception; keep them in the dark of your skills and knowledge." Kakuzu warned his protégée before dismissing him. Naruto gave a curt nod and left, leaving his masters to plan their future invasion.

**Flashback end**

Naruto sighed, packing his belongings. Once he cleaned his room from top to bottom, taking with him only the essentials, he grabbed the scythe Hidan had made for him on his ninth birthday. Naruto sealed his favorite weapon in his arm seal before finally heading out. Taking one last look back, Naruto smiled, sad to be leaving his home but knowing that in doing so, he would make his masters proud of him.

Heading out, Naruto reached the Outskirts of Konoha where he saw a young boy, being beaten down by two bandits. The young boy was crying and it was easy for Naruto to see from his clothes that the boy came from the Village Hidden in the Mist. The boy was lying on the ground while the two bandits kicked him.

"Maybe if you'd been a good little kid and died with your parents we wouldn't have to do this." Said one of the bandits, pulling out a short sword. Just as he was about to ram the sword through the young boy, a scythe slashed through him. His partner cried in shock as blood sprayed from his partner and hit him in the face, filling his mouth with the taste of blood. Spitting and retching, the second bandit jumped back, falling over the boy. He wiped the blood out of his eyes and saw another young boy, black tentacles pouring out of his arms and into his fellow bandit's body.

"What the hell!" He screeched, backpedaling as he saw a lump traveling through the tentacles before reaching the host. Jumping up, he ran at the boy and shoved his sword in his stomach. Naruto looked at the bandit coolly.

"That hurts you son of a bitch." He said calmly as another pair of tentacles shot into the man, lifting him off the ground. The bandit cried in pain.

"What are you doing to me?" He whimpered, as pain shot through his chest.

Naruto smirked, looking at the man. "I'm taking your heart in order to use it as a failsafe, just in case someone manages to defeat my immortal form given to me by Jashin." Naruto said; smiling as the man screamed in pain as his heart was removed from his body, feeling every agonizing second of it. Suddenly, the tentacles dropped him, leaving his body to shoot blood into the air for another ten seconds as his brain shut down.

Naruto stretched. "Well, that makes four hearts." He said to no one in particular before turning his attention to the young boy.

"What's your name?" He asked as gently as possible, helping the boy into a sitting position, then fixing his ribs with a medical jutsu.

The boy sniffed and wiped his eyes before answering. "Shinwai." He said, still sobbing.

"Please help my mommy and Daddy, they told me to run and I had to leave them over there." The boy said, pointing to an area through the trees. Naruto nodded and, standing up, went through the trees towards where the boy had pointed. The sight Naruto saw was disgusting. The boy's father was nailed to the tree, a sword through his stomach, and the young boy's mother's body was on the ground, half naked with her throat slashed.

'Lord Jashin has no tolerance for rapists.' He thought disgustedly as he spotted a small group of bandits going through the family's caravan. He walked up to the group boldly, killing five with his scythe before the others ever noticed his presence.

The leader jumped up, pulling his sword out of its scabbard.

"Who the hell are you?!" He yelled, demanding an answer.

Naruto smiled before breaking out in full-blown laughter.

"I asked you a question, dammit!" Yelled the leader of the group, a bit wary of a boy who could take down five of his men, then laugh when he was surrounded.

Naruto stopped smirking, suddenly turning serious. "I am the man who shall send your souls to Jashin-Sama for judgment." He said coldly, before shooting his scythe at the group of men, beheading five more before he yanked the rope on his scythe, bringing it back to him. The leader fell behind his three remaining men.

"Take him down!" He shouted at his men.

Roaring, the three men charged forward, only to meet the same fate.

Naruto started walking towards the bandit leader, who was backing away, his sword shaking in his hand as he swung it back and forth rapidly, trying to keep the monster in front of him away.

Naruto walked steadily towards his opponent, throwing his scythe and nicking the man's stomach. Naruto caught his scythe and licked the small amount of blood off before stabbing himself in the foot and creating a pentagram on the ground, using his blood. The bandit leader, scared out of his mind, turned and ran. Naruto smirked as he finished his ritual, and pulled out a spear and shoved it through his kneecap. The bandit leader screamed in pain as his knee was suddenly crushed. He fell to the ground and tried to drag himself away. Naruto laughed as he felt his enemy's pain, which was pure ecstasy to him.

"Where do you think you are going fool?" He asked harshly. "No one escapes Jashin-Sama's wrath, especially after crimes as heinous as what you have done." Naruto said coldly as he yanked the spear out of hi knee, causing his enemy to scream in pain.

"Please, let me live." The bandit leader begged, hoping to escape with his life.

"For the love of Kami, let me live!"

Naruto suddenly exploded. "You dare use the name of that filth in the presence of a warrior of the great Jashin?!" He asked, outraged as he shoved the spear through his chest. "Where is your false god now HEATHEN?!" He shouted at the dying bandit leader. "Pay for your ignorance, you fool." Naruto said coldly as he pulled the spear out and shoved it through his heart, killing the bandit instantly. Naruto lay in his pentagram, praying to his Lord as he finished the ritual, letting Lord Jashin and the Kyuubi heal his wounds. (Thanks to the Kyuubi and Jashin-Sama, He's never had to use one of his four collected hearts; he keeps them as a back up plan.) Naruto's skin turned back to normal as he stood up and went towards what the bandits had taken from the Caravan. Taking the scrolls and all of the boy's things, along with a few mementos for the boy, he buried Shinwai's parents, praying for their recently departed souls before walking back towards the Shinwai, which he presented with a scroll which he had sealed the boy's family things in.

The boy had stopped sobbing; already knowing what had happened to his parents, but determined not to make them ashamed of him.

Naruto turned to the now quite boy. "So Shinwai, why were you and your parents traveling this way?" He asked, trying to keep the boy's mind off of his recent tragedy and failing miserably.

"We were chased out of Mist because of our bloodline." The boy said bitterly.

Naruto's face took on a surprised look. "Really, what bloodline?" Naruto asked, curious of Shinwai's family bloodline.

"We have the ability to form our bodies into diamond." Shinwai said, proud of his family history. He was only seven and he had been considered a prodigy among his clan.

Naruto smiled at the young boy, offering him a hand. "Why don't you come to Konoha with me?" He asked Shinwai. Shinwai looked up at his savior and accepted his hand gladly. Naruto helped the boy up then, led the two towards Konoha's Gates

**Well that was my first chapter for my second story, sorry about the length. Wanted to make it longer, but where's the fun in not using cliffhangers? I'll probably update this story once every other week, as I am still working on the other story, **

**The Kyuubi's Jailer. ****See ya next update! **

**A/N Added a few things to this chapter to make a something clearer.**


	2. Naruto's First Day: An Angel Appears

**Disclaimer: Oh My God!! I Still ****Don't**** OWN Naruto!! Isn't That Amazing?!**

**Story:**** Naruto: Kakuzu's Apprentice**

**Written by- Narutofan90000**

**Enjoy. ****P.s.: When Naruto meets Hinata, I thought the song-I'll be by Edwin McCain fit the situation pretty good, though I may be wrong, I am a NaruHina Fan.**

Naruto turned to the now quite boy. "So Shinwai, why were you and your parents traveling this way?" He asked, trying to keep the boy's mind off of his recent tragedy and failing miserably.

"We were chased out of Mist because of our bloodline." The boy said bitterly.

Naruto's face took on a surprised look. "Really, what bloodline?" Naruto asked, curious of Shinwai's family bloodline.

"We have the ability to form our bodies into diamond." Shinwai said, proud of his family history. He was only seven and he had been considered a prodigy among his clan.

Naruto smiled at the young boy, offering him a hand. "Why don't you come to Konoha with me?" He asked Shinwai. Shinwai looked up at his savior and accepted his hand gladly. Naruto helped the boy up then, led the two towards Konoha's Gates

Naruto led the two towards the two Konoha Chunin. Naruto walked up to them and told them a story of how he and Shinwai had fled their home when their parent's were killed and came to live in Konoha. Naruto had luckily put Shinwai asleep with a mild genjutsu to keep him from blowing their cover. One of the chunin directed Naruto towards the Hokage tower, Shinwai still in his arms. Upon reaching the tower, the Chunin told them to simply ask the secretary where to go. Naruto walked in, Shinwai in his arms. Walking up to the secretary, he put on his biggest fake smile, while looking at the buildings security features. "Hi, we were told to come here to see the Hokage for registration papers." Naruto said, looking at the secretary with a smile. Blushing a bit, the woman confirmed the meeting with the Hokage and waved Naruto in. Naruto looked around in disgust. 'Basic security seals, chunin guards, hell, sleeping in my tent was safer than being in this office.' He thought scornfully as he walked up to the Hokage. Smiling, Naruto looked at the old man, disgust deep down inside of him. 'It would be so easy to shove a kunai in his throat right now.' He thought disdainfully. 'Though it would only cripple their infrastructure for a short while before the replaced him.' He conceded, letting the old man live for now.

Hiruzen Sarutobi smiled at the young boy. "What can I do for you? He asked, already having heard the boy's story from his crystal ball, coupled with a viewing jutsu.

Naruto dropped his smile a bit before answering. "I was hoping to get citizen registration forms for me and my brother." He said, keeping his voice low and soft.

Hiruzen felt a small amount of pity for the boy. Going into his desk, he pulled out the papers Naruto needed to fill out.

"You just need to fill these out and hand them to the secretary out front." Hiruzen said kindly. Naruto nodded and stood up. Turning to where he had put Shinwai down, he picked up the still sleeping boy. Walking out of the office, Naruto stopped, turning back to Hiruzen.

"Excuse me, Hokage-Sama, but would it be possible for me to fill out the papers to become an academy student too?" Naruto asked hesitantly.

Hiruzen nodded sharply and pulled out the papers. Before giving them to Naruto, he asked him one last question.

"Why do you wish to be a Shinobi?" He asked Naruto, hoping he wasn't causing the boy emotional pain by bringing it up.

Naruto contorted his face to one of grief. "I want to get stronger, to make sure what happened to me and my brother never happens again. To anyone." Naruto said softly, tears welling up in the sides of his eyes. Hiruzen nodded and gave Naruto the papers.

"I see." He said, a bit of pain in his own voice. "You may go now Naruto." He said.

Naruto nodded and walked out of the Hokage's office and sat in the waiting room, filling out the paperwork. 'Old fool fell for that, I probably should've killed him.' Naruto thought, unbelieving that it was this easy to infiltrate one of the greatest Ninja villages built. He handed his paperwork to the secretary, who looked over the paper's quickly. Putting them in their designated spots she turned back to Naruto.

"You'll have to be in the Academy classroom tomorrow at eight." She said, her smile never leaving her face.

Naruto smiled back at her quickly. "Thank you ma'am." He said politely before carrying Shinwai out of the office and towards the new apartment they'd been given.

Releasing the genjutsu he had placed on Shinwai. Shinwai woke up and looked around quickly.

"Where are we?" He asked, having been asleep since they came in sight of the gates.

"We're in Konoha." Naruto said simply, taking out his wallet, he pulled out a few bills.

"Let's go eat." He said, heading towards the door, creating a soul clone to put away Shinwai and his things. Shinwai looked at the soul clone in amazement as he followed Naruto out.

"What was that?" He asked in amazement.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Naruto said calmly, in a voice that said drop it for now.

Shinwai caught on quickly and quieted down.

"Where are we going to eat sir?" He asked Naruto respectively. Naruto looked around for a few minutes before seeing a sign for a restaurant.

"We'll eat here." He said simply, walking in to the small restaurant.

Shinwai followed after him obediently.

Looking at the menu, Naruto automatically picked the Miso ramen.

"We'll have two bowls of Miso ramen." Naruto said to the old restaurant owner. Nodding sharply, the owner turned and began making the noodles.

Shinwai sat there, looking at Naruto.

After a few minutes of this, Naruto turned to the boy. "What is it?" He asked him.

Shinwai looked up at Naruto. "What are we supposed to do tomorrow?" He asked, still not knowing much of Naruto's plans on what to do when they reached Konoha.

Naruto sighed as the ramen was placed in front of them. I'll be attending the academy and you'll be staying at home." Naruto said before eating his ramen.

"Oh." Shinwai said before digging into his own meal. Paying for the meal, Naruto turned to Shinwai and waited for him to finish. Once Shinwai finished, Naruto led him back to the house.

"So what are we doing tomorrow?" Shinwai asked excitedly. "And what type of clone was that?' Naruto held up a hand, keeping Shinwai from asking another question.

"Tomorrow I will attend the academy and you will stay here, learning from your family scrolls and my soul clone. Naruto said sternly. "As for what type of clone that was, I'll only tell you when you accept to undergo the most torturous training ever."

He said, dead serious.

"I'll do it!" Shinwai shouted, causing Naruto to face fault.

"You don't know what torturous means do you?" He asked the young boy.

Shinwai blushed and looked down. "No." He said, embarrassed at what he had said.

"Well don't worry because until I say you're ready for that training, you won't be doing it." Naruto said with a smirk.

"Now get some rest, you're going to have a grueling day of training ahead of you." Naruto said as he headed to his room. Shinwai nodded and went to his room to sleep, while the soul clone stayed up, putting secrecy seals all over the apartment.

Naruto woke up with a start. Looking at his small clock, Naruto groaned. 'Seven already?' He thought as he dragged himself out of bed and walked to the shower. Grabbing a change of clothes on his way in. Naruto went into the shower.

After washing off, Naruto yawned and turned off the water. Stepping out of the shower, he grabbed his towel and dried off before putting his clothes on.

Checking that the seals he had his souls clone put up last night were still in affect, Naruto left and walked towards the Academy. On his way there, he began to think about how he would downplay his skill. 'Alright a civilian wouldn't know how to make a bunshin or make a decent henge, thought Shinwai's parents were ninja, so I could say I learned those skills from them.' Naruto headed towards the academy, determined to be a mediocre student, at best.

Arriving at the Academy, he remembered going to a building like this with Kakuzu once, only that building had been a library.

**Flashback **

Kakuzu slammed a book about the Infamous Yellow Flash in front of Naruto. "Read it." Was all he said.

Naruto was confused. "Sir?" He asked hesitantly, unaware of his connection to the Yondaime Hokage.

Kakuzu sighed while looking at the boy. "I think it's time you learned who your father was, and the best way to show you was the book written about him." Kakuzu said plainly.

"What?!" Naruto yelled, flabbergasted. Kakuzu smacked him, sending him to the ground.

"First of all, we're in a library. Secondly, if only two people in the Ninja world had blonde hair of that shade, don't you think that it's possible that they're related?" Kakuzu asked. "The only other way I could ever tell you about your family was to introduce you to the man who was supposed to raise you, though I doubt that would be beneficial for my health." He reached into his cloak. "I stole this off of your father on the day of his death." Kakuzu said, pulling out a small note. It was addressed to a man named Jiraiya. Unsealing the letter for the second time in his life, Kakuzu handed it to Naruto.

Naruto read through the letter, tears quickly forming in his eyes.

Dear Jiraiya,

If you're getting this, it was probably sent after my death. I wanted you to know that I want my son to have a good life. The first chance you get, take him away from Konoha, they'll hold onto their hate too much to see my son as the hero he is.

I also wanted you to know that I enjoyed your book Jiraiya. I don't see why it didn't sell more. But in honor of you teaching me, I'd like to name my son after the main character of your story, Naruto. Now, the kid can't have my last name, so You'll want to give him my wife, Kushina's, last name even if it is to protect him from Iwa, I doubt they know I'm married yet, so her name will be a safe one to use. P's. Sorry I had to hide the fact I was married from you.

And if you're reading this, Naruto Uzumaki, I want you to know, I'm sorry that because of my actions, I never got to meet you.

Goodbye,

Minato Namikaze- Fourth

Hokage

Naruto sat with the note in his hands, shaking with anger and sadness. Tears falling from his eyes as he clutched the letter. "That bastard." Naruto said, his voice sounding far away. "How dare he think he can get away with sealing a monster that tormented me everyday of my childhood by saying a simple sorry." Naruto raged. "And what of this man Jiraiya, where was he when I grew up?!" Naruto asked, fuming at the injustice.

"If anything, This Jiraiya deserves a harsh death." He said, before running off, leaving Kakuzu to clean up the mess he had made of the library.

Kakuzu sighed as he watched the boy run off.

**Flashback End**

Naruto clenched his fist as he remembered this letter, which was also in his pack, to remind him of his secondary goal. To kill Jiraiya of the Sannin. Sighing, Naruto let go of his anger, walking into his new class..

Naruto was struck dumb. The second he had entered the classroom, he had noticed her, a girl his age, sitting in the back of the room by herself. She looked secluded from the rest of the group. Naruto looked at the girl and caught her eye. Smiling, he walked over to her.

"Hi there, my name's Naruto, what's yours?" He asked, in his new overeager voice. Hinata looked up at the by in shock.

'Someone's actually talking to me!?' She thought, a bit shocked. 'Come on Hinata, tell him your name!' She mentally encouraged herself "I-I'm Hinata." She said, cheering herself on in her head.

"It's nice to meet such a beautiful girl here." Naruto said, smiling at her, hoping that this beautiful girl would end up being in his class group.

Iruka walked into the room, looking at the Genin hopefuls. Smiling, he noticed a new face. "Hello there." He called to the boy. "Would you mind telling the class your name?"

Naruto frowned in annoyance. "Yes I would, seeing as I'm talking with Hinata-hime." Naruto said flippantly. Hinata blushed while many of the girls in the class turned to a certain Uchiha with angry looks.

'Why doesn't he call us that?' Was the thought of every fan girl in the room. Hinata looked at Naruto, who was engaged in a small staring match with Iruka.

"Please come down and introduce yourself to your fellow ninja." Iruka said warningly.

Naruto, remembering his mission, sighed before walking down towards Iruka.

'It would be so easy to kill them all.' He thought sadly, knowing that his masters didn't want him to just kill ninja, they wanted the village destroyed.

"My name is Naruto Uzumaki." He said to the class in general. "Now may I sit back down?" He asked sarcastically. Iruka nodded, knowing he would get nothing else from the boy. Naruto went back over to Hinata and sat next to her, trying to engage her in further conversation.

"So, how long have you been here Hinata-hime?" Naruto asked, flirting with the girl.

Hinata blushed, not used to boys attempting to hit on her.

"I've just started this semester." Hinata said, growing more comfortable with talking to Naruto. Naruto smiled at her.

"So, do you think you can show me some of the stuff I've missed?" Naruto asked her.

Hinata nodded her head, not trusting herself to speak.

"Hai." She said, before turning away from Naruto to hide her blush.

'I can't believe he asked that.' She thought. 'What could I teach him that he doesn't know?' She thought, thinking of the basic academy jutsus and the test on them next week. As she mused, the bell rang.

Iruka stood u, a bit shocked. "I was that late?" He asked aloud. The class turned to him and nodded. Iruka's face took on a depressed look. 'I'm worse than Kakashi." He thought sadly as he dismissed his students.

Hinata packed her things and left hurriedly, having to get back to the Hyuuga compound.

"Hey Hinata-hime, wait up!" Naruto yelled as he ran after her. Hinata turned around and saw Naruto running after her. She stood there waiting for him. As she stood, she wondered about what he could want.

Naruto caught up to Hinata and pretended to be slightly winded. (Hey, he's pretending to be genin level.) Naruto decided he'd spent enough time catching his breath and stood up straight and looked Hinata in the eye before talking.

"Hinata, is it alright if I walk you home?" He asked, smiling as he asked his hand on the back of his neck.

Hinata stood frozen. 'H-he wants to walk me home?!' She felt like her brain was shutting down as her face turned red. Naruto didn't notice this, as he was to busy looking into her eyes, just as she was lost in her thoughts, so was he.

'She looks like a goddess.' He thought, a small blush coming to his face. 'Her eyes just make her look even more beautiful.' He felt his face heating up and forcibly pulled himself out of his thoughts. "So, do you want to walk home together?" Naruto asked, a bit more hesitantly.

Hinata, finally wrenching herself from her internal debate. "I-I'd love to walk home with you Naruto-kun." She said, feeling herself begin to faint. Bringing herself back from the brink of unconsciousness, she found that Naruto was walking alongside her, his hand holding hers. Hinata's eyes rolled into the back of her head before she managed to pull herself back from the brink unconsciousness again. (She does this every now and then, get used to it) Naruto saw Hinata's situation and led her over to a tree.

"Hey Hinata-hime, are you okay?" He asked, concerned as he brought her to the shade of the tree, looking her over carefully.

"H-hai, I'm fine Naruto-kun." She said, a bit embarrassed about how she was acting.

Naruto sat her down at the base of the tree, reading into her emotions.

"Is something wrong at home?" He asked, making Hinata flinch.

"N-no Naruto, I should go." Hinata got up and started to try and walk away.

Naruto grabbed her arm and held her from running.

"Hinata, pretending it hasn't happened isn't going to make it go away." He said sternly.

Hinata struggled to get free, but when she heard these words, se crumpled to the ground, crying. Naruto picked up the young girl and started walking back to his house.

Once Naruto got home, he dispelled his soul clone, gaining all its knowledge as the heart returned to his body. He smiled as he went over Shinwai's progress. Not only had the boy managed to finish the last of his family's jutsu, he'd also learned the basics for enrolling in the ninja academy. As Naruto walked into the room, he saw his new student walking the wall, using his chakra.

Shinwai smiled upon seeing his sensei. "Hello sensei!" He said, a smile on his face.

Naruto knew that the boy was just using his smile to cope with his parent's death.

Naruto smiled at his student.

"Good job, you have excellent chakra control." He said, making Shinwai puff his chest out in pride as he came down from the wall.

"Now we just have to work on your reserves. Seventy pushups and ninety sit-ups." Naruto said, smirking as Shinwai's face fell.

"Aww come on sensei!" Shinwai said loudly, before noticing the now sleeping Hyuuga in Naruto's arms.  
Naruto looked at Shinwai sternly, ignoring where the boy directed his eyes. "Shinwai, you may have perfect control, but if you have no reserves, if you use one attack, you'll be dead." He said, disciplining his student. "After you finish your workout, read the book I gave you." Naruto said, pointing to the small bible of Jashin.

Nodding, Shinwai went back to work.

Naruto walked out of the room and went down the hallway to his. Sighing, he put Hinata in his bed before going and sealing all information relating to the future attack on Konoha and all information on his skill. Going back to where Shinwai was, he saw the boy working diligently. Naruto created another soul clone and before leaving, warned Shinwai what would happen to them if he told anyone that the clone wasn't the real him.

Naruto went out and did some shopping, all the while knowing he was being tailed by a Ne Operative. 'Damn bastards can't leave anyone in peace, can they?' He thought angrily, knowing that all new refugees were followed for the first few weeks of their adjustment to the village. Naruto quickly lost his tail, heading to the Hokage's stone faces. Getting to the top, he sat there, making a detailed map of the surrounding land.

'How fitting.' He thought, laughing quietly. 'The beginnings of the end for this village, being planned right on their precious Hokage's over watching gaze.' He smirked evilly at the thought of all the souls he would offer to Jashin-sama. Heading off, he went in the opposite direction, away from his home. 'Jashin-Sama doesn't approve of any who strike a child.' Naruto thought with disdain as he headed towards his goal for the night.

**Where was Naruto Going? Who has caused Naruto to unleash his wrath on them?**

**Why did I update this so soon? Find out Next time!**

**No the chapter actually continues, I'm just messing with ya.**

The Anbu members catalogued the body count as the lifeless corpses of most of the Hyuugas were brought before them in a pile.

"Sir, it seems that they were all killed through damage to the Chakra strings in the heart."

Said the Bear masked Anbu member. The leader nodded.

'So the Hyuuga had their rebellion for power in the dead of the night.' He thought, remembering the hate that the branch family had for the main family.

"Alright, report it to Hiruzen and dispose of the bodies.' He said, looking at the list and seeing that not all of the Hyuuga names were present. "Find me Hinata Hyuuga!" He called to a wolf masked Anbu member, who nodded before shunsining away.

Meanwhile, forty Hyuugas, bearing a new curse mark, in the shape of a fox on their foreheads, were being forcibly led out of Konoha into a small, unnoticeable military training ground. Hidan and Kakuzu smirked as the Soul clones Naruto created forced the Hyuuga's into submission, forcing them to claim loyalty to Kakuzu's cause while breaking their wills as harshly and quickly as possible, thought he won over the majority of them, who were happy that the main family was finally defeated, though the others weren't happy about being forced into servitude after escaping. Those who opposed were dealt with painfully. Naruto kept his clones there, keeping the Hyuugas in line, while the real Naruto went back to Konoha under the cover of darkness, an insane smile on his face.

'That's twenty hearts now.' He thought happily to himself as he went back into his home and reabsorbed his first soul clone. Going to the couch, Naruto laid down and went to sleep, his smile never leaving his face.

Waking up in the morning, Naruto went to the door, opening it before the wolf masked Anbu could knock. 'Dammit, I should've pretended not to sense him.' Naruto cursed himself before schooling his features into a look of mild shock.

"How may I help you Anbu-san?" Naruto asked politely.

The Anbu just held up a picture of Hinata. Naruto frowned at the photo for a minute before he answered.

"Yeah, she's here." Naruto said coldly. "I suppose that bastard clan leader of hers wants her back there for her morning beating huh?" Naruto said with as much malice in his vice as possible.

The Anbu was a bit shocked at the amount of venom in the boy's voice, prompting him to speak up. "No, her clan unfortunately suffered a civil war, all on both sides are dead, save for a few who seem to have gone renegade." He explained, Naruto put on a shocked look, one that put his first one to shame.

"I'll go wake her." Naruto said, walking back in to the house and down the hall to his room, where Hinata was sleeping. Naruto went into the room, as quietly as possible. Walking up to the bed, he gently shook Hinata awake.

"Wake up Hime." He said softly, smiling when she opened her eyes and pouted.

'She looks so cute when she does that.' He thought to himself before talking again.

"There's an Anbu who wants to see you." He said, as softly and as sympathetically as possible.

Hinata's eyes grew worried. "Please tell me you didn't tell them about the beatings, Iruka sensei already tried, but father had me healed before the Anbu could check me." Hinata said, tears in her eyes, threatening to spill over.

Naruto felt an extreme amount of pity for this young, beautiful girl, who, if it hadn't been for her father, would've probably been a first rate kunoichi. Naruto looked down at her, his face heavy with sadness. He leaned over and wrapped the girl in a hug, getting a small, muffled noise from her in response.

After a few minutes, Hinata regained control of herself. Naruto picked her up and carried her to the kitchen table, where the Anbu was now waiting.

"Miss Hyuuga?" The Anbu asked.

"Yes?" Hinata asked meekly as Naruto placed her on a chair and sat down next to her.

"I have to inform you that last night, at your home, there was a civil war between the main family and the branch family." The Anbu said, raising his hand to deflect questions.

"So far, only you have been found, and no tracks leading out of the village or out of the compound were found." The Anbu said plainly with a detached air. "The ones who weren't found are being labeled missing-nin as we speak." He said, turning to leave, his mission done. Once he was out of the apartment, he shunsined away, leaving a shocked Hinata and an uncomfortable Naruto, who was holding Hinata's hand, giving her a reassuring squeeze. Hinata sat there, tears falling from her eyes silently.

Naruto gave her a concerned look. "If you want to, you can stay here with me and Shinwai." He offered. Suddenly, he found himself flying to the floor, a sobbing and crying Hinata wailing into his chest. Naruto patted her back awkwardly. After ten minutes, Hinata managed to get herself under control. Standing up, she looked abashed.

"I'm sorry Naruto-kun; I don't know what came over me." She said, embarrassed about how she had acted.

Naruto smiled at the girl as he stood up. He grabbed her chin and softly brought her head up. Kissing her on the lips, he pulled back smiling as Hinata's face turned redder and redder.

"Same here." Naruto teased before catching Hinata as she started to fall back, unconscious. Naruto sighed as he put her on the ground gently. Turning to the cabinets, he reached in and pulled out a small bag of smelling salts. Going back over to Hinata, he waved them under her nose, causing her eyes to shoot open.

"Who woke me up?" She asked, sounding a bit angry. "I was having the perfect dream." She pouted. Naruto grinned.

'Still cute when she does that.' He thought, thanking Jashin–Sama for allowing him to find such a beautiful girl to love. "What was your dream about?" He asked, unable to let such a chance go.

Hinata sighed dreamily. "It was about this cute boy, Naruto." She said, before she remembered where she was. "Eeep!" She cried out before burying her face in her jacket to hide her embarrassment.

Naruto's smile grew even more as he watched her try to disappear into her coat.

Leaning in close to her he whispered in her ear. "You know, I had a dream about this cute girl named Hinata." He said, getting Hinata to look up.

Naruto held out his hand to the young kunoichi. "Come on, we have to get to class." He said as he led her out of the house. Once her back was turned, he formed the hand signs needed and created a soul clone, sending it into the house to teach Shinwai for the day.

He took hinata's hand and led her to the academy. Walking in, Naruto tightened his grip on hinata's hand momentarily. Once they went in, Naruto led Hinata to her normal seat.

Sitting down, the two waited for Iruka to come in.

Once Iruka came in, he immediately began talking about the most useless things Naruto had ever heard. 'What type of ninja needs to know how to make such a basic clone?' He thought disdainfully. Hinata had been put into a special kunoichi class… on knitting. 'Seriously, what type of self respecting kunoichi actually knits?' Naruto thought, all the more disgusted with the school system. 'Though it does seem to be a good way to weed out the females to weak to be here.' He relented.

Iruka started droning on about how the Kyuubi had been killed by the fourth Hokage, a great hero of the village, and Naruto hadn't known whether to laugh or kill the man spewing this shit. Naruto decided the best course of action would be to sleep on it, just like a certain Nara. Naruto slept throughout the whole class, only waking up when the bell rang. He walked out the door and waited for Hinata to show up.

As Naruto waited, he talked to that Nara kid and some boy who sat there, eating chips like the world was about to end. Hinata walked up and wrapped herself around Naruto's arm. Naruto looked down at her and smiled. She smiled at him as they walked off, cuddling him as he put his arm over her shoulder, having extracted it from her grip. He pulled her even closer as they came closer to their apartment. Reabsorbing his soul clone before they went into the house, Naruto opened the door to find Shinwai in the middle of his weight training.

"Hello sensei." He said happily.

"Hello Shinwai." Naruto said evenly as he pulled out the sleeping mat he had taken from one of his scrolls.

"Where are we eating tonight?" Shinwai asked, already feeling hungry from his workout.

Naruto shrugged. "I guess we'll go to Ichiraku's." Naruto said. "Let me get some sleep first." He said before crawling into the sleeping mat and closing his eyes.

"By the way Hinata, there's some clothing of yours an Anbu dropped off earlier." Shinwai said, having been instructed by the soul clone to tell her before it had disappeared. Hinata saw the clothes and bowed in thanks before going into Naruto's room to change.

Naruto slept on, blissfully unaware of what was going on around him.

Shinwai decided now would be the perfect time to try the trick he had learned earlier. Running into the kitchen, he got a cup of warm water. Running back to the room, he grabbed Naruto's hand and lifted it, bringing it ever closer to the water.

"Do it, and I swear my vengeance will be so unholy, you'll curse not only the day you met me, this day, and the day you were born, but I'll make it so that your every moment in the afterlife is filled with so much torment, you'll curse the death that you thought brought you sweet relief from my wrath." Naruto said in his sleep.

Shinwai sighed, moved Naruto's hand away from the water, and went into the kitchen and dumped it in the sink. Naruto turned over in is sleep, a smile on his face.

**That's the end of my second chapter and damn, I am tired, I posted this early because I wanted to make up for the short first chapter, hope everyone enjoyed it.**

**Soul clone: Naruto uses one of the hearts stored inside of his body to create another him. It can only be killed by a blow to the heart. If Naruto absorbs his soul clone, he'll get all the information it has acquired. Another way he can get information from it is switching his heart with the heart in the soul clone's body, making the soul clone's body his, taking the rest of his hearts with him.**

**Hyuuga bloodline: Seeing as Naruto stole a few hearts from some of the Hyuugas he brought with him for non compliance (He originally left the village with sixty, but the twenty who tried to defy him had their hearts removed.**

**The Fox's Curse Mark: Naruto uses one tentacle filled with chakra from his body and imbeds it into another. This tentacle connects itself to the heartstrings and, if ordered by Naruto or Kakuzu, It will absorb the heart it is attached to and leave the dead host body, returning to Naruto. It also has the added benefit of using its chakra to destroy any other seals on an enemy body, unless the amount of chakra put into it is to great for it to destroy.**

**Ex: It can break a scroll seal, but it can't break the seal containing Kyuubi.**

**Naruto will use the Byakugan later in the story, during the invasion.**


	3. Shinwai's first day

.**Disclaimer: 11:11 am. I wish I owned Naruto...Now it's just a matter of time.**

**Story:**** Naruto: Kakuzu's Apprentice**

**Written by- Narutofan90000**

Shinwai looked at his sensei in disbelief. "You did what?" He asked, forgetting about his ramen completely as Hinata blushed and Naruto reddened a bit, turning his head away and coughing.

Shinwai shook his head, getting rid of some of his shock, he smiled deviously. "Naruto and Hinata, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-aaargh!" He slammed into the ground. Clutching the top of his head. He looked up at Naruto in mock anger. "How could you?" He asked, bouncing to his feet with a small grin.

"Easily." Naruto replied, matching Shinwai's grin with his own. Hinata looked at the clock hanging on the wall and decided it was time to get the boys back on track.

"Uhm, Naruto-kun?" She tried to get the boy's attention. "It's almost time to head back home." She used the word home hesitantly, having not totally accepted the place as her own home yet.

Naruto nodded his head and picked up Shinwai by the scruff of his shirt. Holding the kicking and swinging boy in the air, away from his body, Naruto took out his wallet to pay the tab.

"I'll pay it Naruto-kun." Hinata offered, having more cash than she wanted now that she was the last of her clan. The money was being used to make her life better now, as if fate was making up for her shitty childhood.

They reached the apartment and after a quick chorus of good-nights, went their separate ways, Shinwai to his room, Hinata to hers and Naruto to the sleeping mat he had laid out.

Hinata's Nightmare -

Hinata walked up to her father, and hugged him around his knee, which was as high as the five year old girl could reach. "I'm sorry mommy's gone daddy." She said, looking up at the stern man. Hiashi looked down at his daughter in disgust.

"If you hadn't been born, your mother would've had the strength to live through Hanabi's birth." He said coldly, lashing out at his young daughter.

3 a.m. -

Hinata sat up in a cold sweat, tears streaming down her face as she remembered one of the most traumatic events of her childhood. Shaking, she stood up and went to the door of her room, heading towards the kitchen for some water.

Naruto's nightmare-

"I won't do it!" The young boy shouted defiantly, looking up at Hidan, refusing to look at the poor old man shackled to the wall that Hidan had captured for Naruto to sacrifice to Jashin.

Hidan backhanded the boy and sent him flying, cracking his head against the wall, pain flashed in Naruto's head, causing a white light to blanket his eyes. Blinking rapidly, Naruto managed to clear his vision as Hidan buried a right hook into his stomach, forcing the boy to cough up a small amount of blood. The Kyuubi was rapidly healing his body, but Naruto wasn't used to such brutal strikes and quickly sank back to the ground, in the fetal position.

Hidan grinned sadistically down at the boy and kicked him in his exposed kidneys, eliciting a howl of pain from the small five year old boy, who couldn't even find an escape from his tormenter in unconsciousness, due to the Kyuubi's healing. Naruto uncurled, clutching his back even as Hidan slammed his heel into the by's ribcage, shattering it, only for it to be healed a minute later. Hidan grabbed the young boy by the hair and lifted him up, slamming the boy's frail form into the wall, splitting his skull. Naruto faded briefly into unconsciousness.

When he woke up, Hidan moved his lips to the boy's ear. "If you don't kill him, I'll make you watch me slaughter every man woman and child to ever come through these halls." He hissed, dropping the boy to the ground.

Naruto's body heaved as he tried to take in air. On all fours, he crawled away from his tormentor, refusing to look up. Blood fell from his mouth as he crawled away, coming from his lungs as he coughed. The thick globs of blood didn't bother the boy, knowing he'd be healed by tomorrow. Still crawling, he bumped into something bony and fleshy. Looking up, Naruto saw the old man, looking at Hidan with rage burning in his eyes, straining against the chains that held him against the wall.

"Damn bastard, why don't you try doing that to someone your own size?" The old man shouted, spitting at Hidan. Hidan looked at the old man with a sneer on his face.

"Why would I do that?" He asked, picking Naruto up off of the ground by his hair.

"He's so fun to play with!" Hidan shouted the last two words, slamming Naruto against the cinderblock wall, face first. A loud crunching noise was heard throughout the small, dungeon-like area, making the old man wince. Hidan dropped Naruto next to the man and walked towards the door. "You have two minutes to kill him Naruto, or I'll come back with Kakuzu." Hidan threatened, slamming the door behind him.

Naruto sobbed as Hidan left the room, his ribs still sore and his nose leaking blood all over the place. The old man looked at the boy in pity, then in revulsion when he saw the huge cut over the boy's right eye, already staring to heal. _'How could they do something to one so young?' _The old man thought sadly, coming to terms with what he had to do.

"Kill me." He said softly, causing the boy to look up in horror.

"No way! Killing someone is wrong!" He shouted vehemently, trying to stand, but falling back to the ground in pain.

The elderly man's face hardened. "You're training to be a ninja, by the looks of it. If you never learn to kill, you'll die." He said, trying to get through to the boy.

"I can't do it." Naruto said, trying to drag himself away from the man now.

"Boy, you need to do it to save us both!" The old man shouted angrily, pushing the boy into the reality of the situation.

Naruto shook his head, trying to disagree with the man. Before he could, the old man cut him off. "As long as you promise me that you'll never kill anyone who doesn't mean harm, and only kill to save yourself and others, I can accept my fate." He said nobly, raising his head in the air.

Naruto looked at the old man in wonder, a man who was literally giving his life so Naruto could continue his existence, cursed as it may be. Naruto nodded dumbly, taking a kunai from the pouch on his waist.

"Make it quick." The old man made his last request a second before Naruto slammed the kunai into his head. Crumpling to the ground, the light left the old man's eyes and Naruto sat over his body, sobbing.

'_Goodbye Sensei.'_ He thought, wiping his eyes and standing up as Hidan opened the door.

3:02 A.M. -

Naruto sat up, suppressing his screams as tears and sweat fell down his face. Naruto sobbed quietly for a minute before regaining his control. Wiping his eyes, Naruto stood up, heading towards the kitchen, needing a drink.

Hinata closed the small fridge, plunging the kitchen back into darkness as she started to walk back towards her room, glass in hand. Reaching the door way to the kitchen, she bumped into a dark figure, slightly taller than her. Crying out in surprise, she dropped her glass, shattering it. She tried to back away from the broken glass and water, only to be grabbed by the arm and pulled back.

Pulling Hinata back from her fall, Naruto used a little too much strength and she slid on the water, which sent her careening into him, knocking both of them onto the floor.

Naruto looked up at Hinata, his eyes adjusting to the darkness as she activated her byakugan, attempting to see him clearly. Naruto smiled up at her, already able to tell her face was as red as a ripe tomato. Not able to resist, Naruto hugged her close to him as she tried to pull away. "Well, well, who knew you were so forward Hinata-hime, this is only are second date, if I remember correctly." He said, a grin on his face as she turned even redder, and then passed out.

Naruto chuckled to himself and slowly started to get up, careful not to disturb Hinata as she rested. Finally managing to stand, he picked up Hinata bridal style and took a step forward, getting glass in his foot for his efforts. "Jashin dammit." He hissed angrily as he hopped on one foot, trying to ignore the pain. Hopping forward, he slipped on the puddle that had formed from his blood mixing with the water and careened towards the ground.

He turned quickly to keep Hinata from being hurt and slammed his head into the counter.

Naruto hit the ground seeing stars, and blindly reached out to grab the annoying little star that kept floating just out of his reach. Naruto finally caught the star and his vision started to return. Seeing the situation he was in, and what he had actually grabbed, he quickly yanked his hand away from Hinata's breast. Naruto's face was a red Hinata would envy if she ever saw it. Quickly schooling his features, Naruto looked at her and smiled a small, genuine smile.

'_She looks so beautiful.'_ Naruto thought, unable to take his eyes off of her. Gently, he brushed some of her hair from her face and planted a soft kiss on her forehead before getting up again and, managing to get past the glass and puddle this time, he carried her to her room and placed her on the bed. He kissed her once more and put the blankets over her. Walking towards the door, Naruto took one last look at Hinata, who was sleeping peacefully, and smiled. Turning back around, he went back to his small bed and lay down, looking at the ceiling. '_I think I love her._' He thought before going to sleep.

-Next day-

Naruto woke up feeling warm. Looking at his alarm clock, he saw it was only 5a.m.

'Great.' He thought before sitting up. Naruto looked around and saw a glass next to his bed.

Curios, he reached out to grab the glass, only to freeze with his hand halfway towards the glass. Looking at his hand, he saw it was dripping. Closing his eyes and preparing for the worst, he turned his head down and cracked open one of his eyes. Seeing what he feared, Naruto's other eye opened, both filled with cold fury and a hint of mischievousness as he whispered. "Shinwai."

Three blocks away, Shinwai sat laughing at how he'd managed to pull off his prank when a shiver ran through his body. '_Someone wants me dead_.' He thought, scared as he thought of how his parents had ended up. His eyes tearing up, he looked around in fear before he ran back home, hoping to get distance between him and the suffocating feeling of dread, that was enveloping him with every step he took closer towards his home. Breaking into a full run, Shinwai tried to shake of the feeling that he was about to die as tears streamed from his eyes as he slammed through the front door and ran inside, only to be met by and empty be that Naruto was supposed to be in. The feeling was too much for the little boy as he collapsed, sobbing and trying to breath, he used the last of his energy to scream, "Nii-san!" before passing out, unable to deal with the pressure any more.

-5a.m Naruto-

Naruto threw his pants into the wash, still radiating killing intent, all directed at Shinwai, who was at that exact moment trying to find his Nii-san to protect him from the very killing intent he was letting off. Naruto grabbed his clothes for the day and jumped into the shower, thinking of all the ways he'd punish the kid during training. '_I'll make him carry boulders all over town._' He thought to himself sadistically as he started scrounging for more ideas on how to punish the kid without hurting him too badly. Naruto finished his shower and was starting to run out of ideas. Sighing, he got dressed and started to brush his teeth, his killer intent still going strong. Naruto turned his head as he heard the front door slam open and reached into his kunai pouch and ran out of the bathroom, brandishing the weapon as he ran towards the front of the house, his speed doubling when he heard Shinwai scream. Barreling into the parlor, Naruto looked around, a wild look in his eye as he tried to find the intruder. His eyes landing on Shinwai, he raced over to the unconscious boy and turned him over.

Naruto looked at the boy, grimacing as he tried to find out what was wrong with him.

'_I'll make whoever did this wish Jashin-sama had decided to collect their soul himself._' He vowed, his eyes cold as he thought of who could have done something like this. Suddenly, his eyes widened in horror. '_Hinata!_' He thought, picking up the small boy in front of him and barreling through the parlor and down the hall towards Hinata's room, his heart in his throat, as he kicked in the door and was rewarded with a scream.

Naruto's eyes widened before he desperately tried to shield them from what he saw.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He cried out backing away from the doorway as Hinata threw whatever she could get her hands on at him.

"Get out! Get out!" She screamed, her towel held in front of her in an attempt at covering herself. Naruto ran down the hallway and through the parlor to the front door, not pausing once to consider the unconscious child on his shoulder, he went out the front door.

"I'll be back later!" He shouted as he slammed the front door and ran all the way to academy to put distance in between him and Hinata. Despite the distance, he couldn't keep the blush off of his face. '_Now what?_' he thought to himself, having no clue on what to do now.

'_School doesn't start for another three hours and I __cannot__ go back there_.' He pondered his situation. '_I can't be the first man to have peeped on a woman accidently_.' (Bet you all thought I'd make Jiraiya sneeze right here, didn't you? Look back, he put "accidently" into that thought) Naruto put Shinwai down underneath the tree in the academy grounds and sat on the swing, thinking about what he should do.

"I've got it!" he shouted, three hours later before the students showed up, waking Shinwai out of his slumber.

"Got what?" Shinwai asked, still not totally awake as he listened to Naruto shout about his plans.

"Milk." Naruto turned around and looked at Shinwai, a big goofy grin on his face.

"I'm still not following." Shinwai said, slowly inching away from his insane brother.

"Don't worry, Shinwai, It wasn't important." Naruto deadpanned, a river of tears leaving his eyes as he looked away from his student, trying to contain his sadness. "Use your crystal chameleon jutsu; you're going to school today." Naruto said, still facing away from student as he thought to himself. '_Why must no one understand my way of youthfulness?_' he thought, as tears ran down his face. '_If my next joke isn't funny, I shall run three hundred laps around this accursed village on my hands, YOSH!_' he thought, curling his fist and raising into the air.

'_You should buy some green spandex too! YOSH_!' A voice sounded in his head.

Naruto shook his head and looked around quickly, seeing no one, he looked towards where Shinwai had last been. "Shinwai, was that you?" He asked, afraid that he was loosing his touch on reality.

"What?" Shinwai asked, having been off in his own little world.

"Never mind." Naruto said, deciding to ask the one last source he had at his disposal.

'_Kyuubi?_' he thought tentatively, hoping he wasn't going crazy.

'_**What Kit**__?_' The large fox growled from the back of his mind.

'_Was that you talking about green spandex?_' Naruto asked.

'_**Yes Kit, it was, I love green spandex, can't you tell? The reason I attacked this village in the first place is because they didn't wear enough spandex.**_' The Kyuubi growled sarcastically, annoyed that his host would even think he would degrade himself to wearing something like that.

'_Oh, alright then, I'll buy some after school_.' He said to the fox, getting ready to leave his mind.

'_**Kit, I swear to all that is holy, if you dare to even think about purchasing spandex, I'll make sure you never have children.**_' He warned Naruto.

'_I'd like to see you try._' Naruto scoffed.

'_I'll find a way boy, I'll find a way._' Kyuubi growled menacingly.

'_Ok, no spandex_.' Naruto thought quickly, not willing to bet against the giant fox. Naruto left his mindscape just as people started to show up for school.

"Alright Shinwai, let's get in there before Hinata comes." Naruto said, setting a brisk pace towards the academy building.

"Why aren't we waiting for Hinata?" Shinwai asked, not understanding Naruto's hurry.

"Just…Just because Shinwai." Naruto said trying to forget what had happened earlier.

"Okay." Shinwai said, still not fully understanding the situation. '_Man, Nii-san is weird today_.' He thought as he followed the boy into the classroom.

-Class-

Shinwai looked at Naruto's sleeping form, completely pissed off. He'd been sitting on the floor of the classroom for two hours now, and had been slipping Naruto notes for entertainment. Now that his Nii-san was asleep, he had to actually listen to the dolphin spout about how great the Hokages were. _'I wonder if I could make it to Hinata's class without being noticed_._' _He thought, before quickly squashing that idea. '_Knitting isn't me_.' He thought, shuddering in revulsion. He leaned back against the wall and blocked out Iruka's lecture, trying to get some sleep himself.

Shinwai woke with a start, and realized he was being carried. '_What woke me up?_' he wondered, before the answer fell upon his ears. His poor, poor ears.

"Why are you pretending to carry something Baka?" the pink haired banshee shrieked, nearly bursting Shinwai's eardrums. '_Good Jashin what is wrong with her_?' Shinwai thought in his mind as he winced in pain.

Naruto wisely remained quite, refusing to give the banshee more ammo.

'_This'll impress Sasuke-kun for sure_!' Sakura thought, rushing the blonde boy.

'_Shit, can't dodge without hurting Shinwai_.' Naruto thought, not having enough time to brace himself or move while trying to maintain his cover. Sakura slammed into Naruto, sending him to the ground.

Naruto released Shinwai, keeping the boy from getting hurt from Naruto landing on him, but also causing him to roll on the ground and release his jutsu, making him visible again.

"Oh my Kami! You were kidnapping a kid! Sasuke-kun will stop you!" Sakura screeched.

Said Uchiha saw the boy release his jutsu and, remembering Naruto seemingly pick up nothing after class, realized that the boy had hidden from everyone all day, in a class full of ninja. Making his way over, he caught Naruto's explanation.

"If you must know Sakura, this is my little brother, and he sat in class to learn what being a ninja is like. I wanted to see how long it would take a room full of ninja to find him, and surprisingly, he managed to keep from being caught. Even after he fell asleep." Naruto said coldly, not having patience for someone who would accuse him of committing such an act.

'_It would be so easy to kill her now_.' Naruto thought, relishing in the thought.

"Hey kid." Sasuke said, looking at Shinwai with an odd look in his eyes. "You were in our class throughout today, weren't you?" he asked, ignoring everyone else on the road.

"Yeah, what about it?" Shinwai asked, wary of the boy in front of him.

"How did you manage to hide throughout class without me finding out?" He asked, irritated that someone managed to show him up in his eyes.

"Shinwai always was good with the family jutsus." Naruto said, proud of his student. "He was considered a an up and coming protégé."

Shinwai puffed out his chest, proud that his brother was praising him.

"Oh yeah, then fight me." Sasuke sneered, looking at the young boy in front of him.

"What is wrong with you? Asking a nine year old to fight you, real tough." Naruto scoffed, standing in front of Shinwai.

"Get out of my way Dobe." Sasuke said, his eyes burning with anger at being denied something he wanted.

"Make me." Naruto said coldly, getting into a battle stance.

"Hn." Sasuke grunted, rushing Naruto while making handsigns.

'_What's he doing?_' Naruto thought, getting ready for an attack.

"**Remember to downplay your skills Kit." **Kyuubi reminded from the back of his mind.

'_I know Kyuubi_.' Naruto thought, forgetting momentarily about the fight.

Sasuke finished his handsigns and used a kawarmi, replacing himself with Sakura and attempting a spin kick to an unprepared Shinwai's head.

"_Shit_!' Naruto thought, quickly using a shunsin between Shinwai and Sasuke and grabbing Sasuke's leg. Turning quickly, Naruto threw Sasuke into Sakura, using his full strength and sending them flying.

"Naruto?" a voice came from behind Shinwai. Naruto froze before turning around.

'_Please don't let it be- of course._' He winced. '_'It had to be her._' He thought.

Hinata looked at the two boys in front of her, one looking at the ground and the other looking at her sadly. "What's going on Naruto?" She asked, not understanding what she had just seen.

'_How can he be able to do that if he said he barely knew the basics?_' Hinata thought, finding the situation confusing.

Naruto sighed before steeling his resolve. "Hinata… we need to talk." Naruto said, subtly pushing Shinwai in front of him. '_And I need a body shield._' Naruto thought, fearing Hinata's reaction to the news he was about to tell her.


	4. An Explanation: Or just Dialogue

**Disclaimer: Still don't own Naruto.**

-Last time-

'_Please don't let it be- of course._' He winced. '_'It had to be her._' He thought.

Hinata looked at the two boys in front of her, one looking at the ground and the other looking at her sadly. "What's going on Naruto?" She asked, not understanding what she had just seen.

'_How can he be able to do that if he said he barely knew the basics?_' Hinata thought, finding the situation confusing.

Naruto sighed before steeling his resolve. "Hinata… we need to talk." Naruto said, subtly pushing Shinwai in front of him. '_And I need a body shield._' Naruto thought, fearing Hinata's reaction to the news he was about to tell her.

-Hidden Base-

"What does the spy have to report? Kakuzu asked to the young Hyuuga girl in front of him.

"Neji has found that Naruto has a young boy with a bloodline limit, along with my older sister, living with him right now." Hanabi said, not making eye contact with her tormenter.

"Do you have anything else to report?" Kakuzu asked, wondering what his protégé had been doing, and why his reports were behind.

"Neji said that he was also talking to the heirs to the Nara and Akamichi clans." Hanabi stated.

Kakuzu's eyes narrowed as he processed this information. "You may go." He said coldly.

Hanabi raced out of the room, glad to be away from the immortal.

'_What is that boy planning?' _Kakuzu thought to himself, his eyes narrowing, mildly aggravated with his apprentice. _"The boy was to send all allies here." _Kakuzu stood and walked out of the room abruptly. _'I'll need him tailed from now on.'_ Kakuzu thought, a smirk forming on his face as he went through the complex, arriving at a small gravesite. Quickly running through handsigns, he slammed his hand into the ground. **"HEART PUPPET JUTSU!" **He shouted, pouring his chakra into the grave. Slowly, a black tendril sucked into the grave, requiring all of Kakuzu's focus. The tendril, embedded in the body beneath the surface, slowly pushed a heart into the dead man's body. Kakuzu fell back, drained of chakra from the jutsu, as a hand shot out from the ground, followed by an old man.

Kakuzu stood up, panting heavily as he smirked at the old man dressed in Samurai armor, who was attempting to fight off Kakuzu's influence over him. "It's no use Samurai." Kakuzu said smugly, watching the old man's will breaking. "You are to tail Naruto Uzumaki and assess whether or not he is a threat to our future assault on Konoha. If he is, you must eliminate him and his conspirators." Kakuzu said, before turning around and going back in, leaving the old Samurai to head off on his own.

-With Naruto-

Naruto and Shinwai carried a tied up, struggling Hinata into the house. Hinata tried screaming from behind her gag, but failed miserably to make a loud enough noise to garner attention. "Shinwai, get the door." Naruto said in a commanding voice. Shinwai dropped Hinata's legs and headed to the door, shutting and locking it before slapping a seal tag on it. Hinata took advantage of her feet being free of Shinwai's grasp and channeled chakra to her feet before slamming them into Naruto's… private parts.

Naruto's eyes bugged out of his head as he felt the full fury of the jyuuken. He fell to the ground, gasping for air before blacking out. "Nii-San!" Shinwai shouted, running over to check on Naruto. _'Wait, what happened to-'_ Shinwai's last thought was cut short as a jyuuken blow hit him in the forehead, knocking him out.

Naruto came to with a blinding headache, and a throbbing pain in his second head. "He tried to move his hands to block the light from the window, only to find that he couldn't move. He cracked his eyes open and craned his head and saw Shinwai beside him, unconscious and tied up, with a chakra tag of Naruto's own creation. _'Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.'_ Naruto thought, knowing he'd be tied up exactly as Shinwai was, except with more seal tags, making it virtually impossible to escape. Naruto looked down at the floor and saw all his plans strewn across the floor.

"Looks like I've got some explaining to do." Naruto said with a sarcastic smirk.

"I would appreciate that." The oddly cold voice of Hinata Hyuuga came from the doorway; she had just walked back into the room, her normally angelic features marred by an angry look. Naruto winced as he looked over at her, his eyes full of regret, and sorrow.

"Hey Hinata." He said; his normally loud voice hushed. _'Wow, real smooth Naruto.'_ He mentally kicked his own ass. Naruto looked at her from the corner of the wall he was leaned against with Shinwai. Hinata looked at him with a hint of disgust in her eyes.

"When you're ready to tell me what all of this is, or how to get out of this house, I'll bring you something to eat." Hinata said; her voice harsher than Naruto had ever heard it. She walked out of the room, slamming the door on her way out.

'_Oh I fucked up big-time.' _Naruto thought, knowing this was only the beginning of her anger towards him. _'I wonder how long I can hold out against her torturing me.'_ Naruto thought, blanching at his next thought. _'What if she decides to interrogate me while she's on her period?'_ Naruto started sweating bullets as he pushed off the wall and head butted Shinwai repeatedly, trying to wake up the boy.

"W-what is it?" Shinwai asked, still half asleep.

"Shinwai, get me these seal tags off of me now." Naruto hissed.

Shinwai tried to move his arms, finding them tied behind his back. "How?" He asked.

Naruto thought about that for a moment before an idea came to him. "Try biting them off." He whispered, praying to Jashin that Hinata wasn't standing outside of the door. Shinwai leaned over towards Naruto, grabbing the seal tag on his arm between his teeth. Jerking his head back, he ripped the tag off of Naruto's arm.

Naruto snapped the bindings on his arm and reached over to his other arm, ripping off the seal tag placed on his upper right arm. Reaching down, he took the two seal tag on his legs off, along with the three on his stomach. Naruto stood up and stretched quickly before reaching down and ripping the seal tag off of Shinwai's chest and snapping the wires that banded his little brothers arms together.

"Alright Shinwai, we have to restrain Hinata." Naruto whispered to his young student as he went and stood by the door.

Shinwai frowned as he looked at his Nii-san. "Why?" He asked, not totally understanding the situation as he looked at files on the ground, all of which were no big deal to him, seeing as he had already known what Naruto's plans were.

Naruto sweat dropped as he looked at his younger brother, utter disbelief on his face.

"Really Shinwai, you don't know why?" Naruto asked, looking at his little brother, disbelief visible on his face. Shinwai shook his head, a huge smile on his face.

"I don't have time for games Shinwai, just get on the other side of the door.' Naruto deadpanned, refusing to let Shinwai goad him.

'_Nii-san's no fun.'_ Shinwai thought, sighing as he trudged towards the right side of the door, getting ready to jump Hinata if she came into the room.

-Hinata-

Hinata stood on the other side of the door, listening to their conversation, anger, sadness, and self loathing filled her. _'How could I fall for him pretending to care about me?' _She thought to herself, tears of frustration running down her face. _'I should've known no one cared about me.'_ Her faced hardened as she turned the doorknob, ready to fight off the two boys. She swung the door open, slamming it into Naruto's face, breaking his nose and causing a few of his teeth to loosen.

-Naruto-

Naruto fell back, his nose gushing blood as Hinata came flying into the room, sending Shinwai flying into the wall with a well-placed jyuuken strike to the chest, knocking him out cold. Naruto jumped back as Hinata spun around the open door and attempted to slam her palm into his temple. "Calm down Hinata, we can talk about this." Naruto hastily put his hands up in a non-threatening gesture, hoping to placate Hinata's temper, even if just for a moment. Hinata threw her arm forward, hitting Naruto in his left arm. Naruto jumped away from the girl, clutching his now useless arm. Hinata came charging at Naruto, and as he flipped over her, he noticed something odd about her eyes.

'_She's crying?'_ Naruto was bewildered. _'Why is she crying?' _ Naruto landed, ducking under another jyuuken strike as he attempted to figure out what could be wrong.

Rolling to the side, Naruto's face hardened, knowing what he had to do. He jumped out of the way of the next to jyuuken strikes, completely unfazed. Naruto sneered as he stood to his full height, ready to fight. "Is this the best you can do?" He asked mockingly, "How sad for the Hyuuga clan." He gave a cold, harsh laugh as he looked at her, readying himself for a fight.

'_There, now that she's angrier, once she makes a mistake, I can capture her and tell her the truth.' _ Naruto thought, praising himself for his brilliance.

-Hinata-

Naruto rolled to the side, completely avoiding her jyuuken blows. Doubling her efforts, she ran at him as he came to a stop, determined to knock him out. _'I can do this!'_ She thought to herself, trying to stop the tears in her eyes from blocking her vision. She threw another jyuuken strike, but Naruto jumped out of the way, completely unfazed.

Naruto sneered as he stood to his full height, ready to fight. "Is this the best you can do?" He asked her mockingly, "How sad for the Hyuuga clan." He gave a cold, harsh laugh as he looked at her, readying himself for a fight.

Hinata heard Naruto criticize her, and the fight left her completely. Standing behind Naruto, Hinata imagined her Father, her cousin Neji, and her littler sister Hanabi, all mocking her alongside him. Hinata stopped fighting her tears and broke down, crumpling to a heap on the floor, sobbing. _'They were all right.'_ She thought to herself, unable to stop the sobs wracking her body. _'I'm useless.'_

-Naruto-

Naruto was bewildered. He never expected Hinata to do what she was doing now in a fight. _'Could this be some kind of trap?' _Completely unaware of what was wrong with Hinata.

"**Hey Dumbass."** A voice came from the back of Naruto's mind, trying to get his attention.

"_What?"_ He asked, mildly annoyed that Kyuubi would aggravate him at a time like this.

"**Try comforting her, Baka." **The giant Kitsune coached from the back of Naruto's mind.

"_Okay, okay. Jashin." _Naruto thought. Naruto walked over to the crying girl and awkwardly knelt down, patting her on the back. "There there?" He said lamely, attempting to comfort her and keep a safe distance simultaneously.

Naruto sighed exasperatedly as Hinata shrank away from him, sobbing even harder. _'What in the name of Jashin could've happened that made her this much of an emotional wreck?' _He thought, still unable to find a way to stop the girl in front of him from crying when a sudden idea came to him. _'I'M A GENIUS!'_ Naruto crowed inside of his mind. "Listen Hinata, if you don't stop crying, I'll have to end up sacrificing you to Jashin-Sama." He said cheerily, immediately knowing he'd said the wrong thing when Hinata looked up at him, horrified. "Uh… I mean… I love you?" Naruto looked at her sheepishly, trying to find some way to make up for his folly. Hinata looked at him, puzzled for a second.

Naruto looked back at her, sweating profusely, his face red with embarrassment. "I-I mean- I." Naruto stammered; trying to cover up his newest blunder before a well placed jyuuken strike hit him in the center of the chest, followed by another four to the stomach, two to the face, and one to the groin. Naruto groaned in pain, his eyes crossing before he fell forward, on top of Hinata, unconscious.

-Hinata-

Hinata eeped in surprise as Naruto's unconscious body fell on top of her, his face pressing against her breasts as she fell onto her back, his weight too much for her to hold.

Her face started turning redder and redder as Naruto unconsciously rubbed his face against her breast, mumbling lightly. Hinata took one last look at the boy resting his face in her cleavage before passing out.

-Shinwai-

Shinwai moaned weakly, sitting up and rubbing his jaw. "Nii-San, what hit me?" He whined, touching his bruised nose gingerly and wincing in pain as it throbbed. Looking around, he saw his Nii-San, unconscious on top of Hinata. Shinwai looked at the two, shocked. _'She must've been really strong to knock out Nii-San like that.' _He thought, unable to believe that the girl he'd observed earlier in school, who he thought was meek and had low confidence in herself. _'What should I do now?'_ He thought; confused as to what to do now.

Shinwai looked out the one-way window, spotting Ichiraku's ramen stand, subconsciously licking his lips. Shinwai walked purposely over to Naruto's unconscious body, pulling his wallet out of his back pocket. Shinwai ran out of the house, Naruto's wallet in his hands. _'I'm gonna have so much fun!'_ He thought giddily, running to Ichiraku's.

-Naruto-

Naruto groaned weakly, shaking his head to try and dispel his headache. _'If I get hit with that damn jyuuken one more time, I'm going to kick someone's teeth in' _Naruto thought angrily before opening his eyes, Hinata's face immediately coming into his sight.

Naruto blushed lightly, realizing his position, slowly getting up and away from the unconscious girl.

He got up, sitting on Hinata's side and looking down at her, a small, peaceful smile on his face. _'She is really beautiful though.'_ He thought to himself, slowly leaning over and kissing her forehead lovingly. Naruto's eyes opened wide in shock as he heard a cough. He leapt back, forcing himself into a defensive stance, only to see Shinwai standing in the doorway, a giant stick of cotton candy in one hand and Naruto's empty wallet in the other. "I miss something Nii-San?" Shinwai asked innocently.

Naruto coughed, trying to by some time to come up with an excuse.

"**Need a moment?"** The Kyuubi asked from within the seal. **"Chew it over with Twix."** The Kitsune smirked as his container raged against him. _'What in the name of Jashin is a Twix?' _Naruto screamed at the giant Kitsune through the seal.

"Nii-San?" Shinwai asked curiously. "You okay?" He took a cautious step towards his older brother in all but blood.

Naruto shook his head. "Huh? Oh, I'm fine Shinwai, just arguing with the voices in my head" Naruto smiled sheepishly as Shinwai nodded, buying what his brother told him.

"So, why were you kissing Hinata-san?" Shinwai asked; a mischievous smile on his face.

"I was taking her temperature." Naruto lied feebly, trying to save face, sighing happily as Shinwai bought it.

"Okay." Shinwai said, walking out of the room, taking a big bite out of his cotton candy.

_'Why on earth did I kiss her?'_ Naruto thought to himself, confused as to why he felt like he did for Hinata. It was a weird feeling, and he couldn't really pinpoint where it started, but every time he saw her, he felt it.

**"It starts in your toes, makes you crinkle your nose, wherever goes, you always know, that she makes you smile-"** Kyuubi sang before being interrupted by Naruto

'_FOR THE LOVE OF JASHIN, SHUT UP!'_ He screamed at the Kyuubi, trying to suppress his blush. _'I'm trying to figure out what the hell I'm going to do about this!'_

"**Isn't it obvious boy?"** Kyuubi smirked, baiting Naruto **"What you need to know is that you and her ain't nothing but mammals so you need to do it like they do on the Discovery-"**

'_THAT IS ENOUGH!'_ Naruto screamed at the fox. _'I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU GET TV RECEPTION IN THEIR, OR YOUR CREEPY DISCOVERY CHANNEL, BUT I SWEAR TO JASHIN, ONE MORE SONG AND I WILL NOT REST UNTIL YOU LOSE YOUR TV RECEPTION!'_ Naruto screamed at Kyuubi.

"**Jeeze… bitch."** Kyuubi grumbled before shutting itself away, cutting off all communication with Naruto.

'_Finally.'_ Naruto thought, relieved. _'Now what am I gonna go about Hinata-Hime?'_ Naruto contemplated, looking back at Hinata, a soft; lovingly look gracing his features, along with a slight blush. Naruto shook his head as he looked away from Hinata and over towards the door, spotting his wallet on the floor. 'That little, thieving brat.' Naruto thought, a small smirk on his face as he picked up his empty wallet.

Naruto sighed before putting his wallet into his back pocket. He walked back to Hinata, squatting down and sliding his arms under her and lifting her with a light grunt. Looking down at her, Naruto couldn't keep a small, dopey little grin off of his face.

'_My little Tenshi.' _Naruto thought before shaking his head again to clear his thoughts. _'Where in the name of Jashin did that come from?'_ Naruto put Hinata in her room, tucking her in and leaving the room, utterly confused as he shut and locked her door. _'Am I getting reverse Stockholm syndrome?' _He thought to himself, not understanding why he was blushing every time he looked at her. _'I'll have to ask Kakuzu about it in one of my messages.' _He dismissed his emotions quickly, before a horrified look took over his features. _'Oh My Jashin. THE REPORTS!'_ Naruto ran to his room, trying to think of everything he could throw into a few reports to get out to Hidan or Kakuzu. _'My ass is toast!'_

**A/N: Sometimes, your muse just hits you like a Dodge. Which is a hilarious way to get your muse back, I feel. Painful, but effective. Hopefully, I'll be updating again pretty soon. Until then, I don't own Twix, Bubbly by Colbie Caillat, or the Bad Touch by The Bloodhound Gang. Though my Ipod says differently.**

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